The Exchange Policy
by Already There
Summary: One day, somehow, no one knows exactly, the Superboy from Earth-16 wakes up on New Earth. That same day, somehow, no one knows exactly, the Superboy from New Earth wakes up on Earth-16. After extensive property damage, Superman, Batman and the rest of the Justice League do absolutely nothing to set things right. An insane pre-reboot DCU/Young Justice crossover.


**Author's Note: **

So, the Earth designations are tricky. Hope I got them right in the summary. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's okay, you don't need to.

For the DCU Superboy, I used his characterization from the nineties, because it is so totally radical I can't even deal. Takes place a little bit after we said goodbye to the old DCU and hello to The New 52, so I brought back Chris Kent because why not, I'm the author, I do what I do.

This takes place sometime in YJ's first season. Could really be just about anytime between September and the season finale.

Hope you likey!

Already There.

* * *

The Exchange Policy

By Already There

Conner Kent is a very average kid with a very average life. He lives on a farm in Smallville, Kansas with his Aunt Martha and his dog, Krypto. He even has a long time girlfriend, Cassie. Conner considers this relationship very serious; they have had sex and everything. He had two cousins, Linda and Clark, who he is very close to and looks forward to their visits. Clark had a wife, Lois, and a son, Chris, whom he enjoyed spending time with as well. In addition, Conner had two best friends, Tim Drake and Bart Allen. Everything considered, Conner sees himself as an average all-American teenager.

Really, the only strange thing about Conner is that he has two fathers. Now, in this progressive day and age, having two daddies is nothing to turn your head about, even in Conner's conservative small town. What made Conner's case unique is that instead of being conceived with one of his fathers' sperm and a donor egg as most children from same-sex parents are, Conner shared DNA from both parents. Also, while in most cases two men who decide to conceive and raise a child together are both homosexual and passionately in love with each other, his two fathers hated each other and were clearly bisexual, or at the very least bi-curious.

One might also see Conner's choice of extra-curricular activities as odd. While most lads his age chose to join their local football teams or yearbook staffs, Conner spent his nights cavorting across quite unsavory areas of Metropolis and San Francisco, fighting crime. Some might fear for young Conner's safety, which they should. He did die once while saving the Universe from destruction. Conner knew the danger though and took every possible precaution. He never went out alone, for one. If Clark or Linda did not accompany him, he would be with Tim, Bart or Cassie. For another, his comrades and him used pseudonyms to protect themselves. His family called themselves Superman, Supergirl and Superboy, for Clark, Linda and Conner respectively, and his friends called themselves Robin, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, and the like.

Which brings us to the third strange thing about Conner. You see, one of his aforementioned fathers was in fact from Krypton, a planet very far away that one day up and exploded. Strangely, men and women from Krypton develop powers such as strength, speed, heat vision and seduction (for you see, Krytonians have better love-lives than you and I). Conner of course inherited these abilities from Clark, who is biologically, his father, by the way – their cousinhood is a purely legal and social function to define their complicated relationship. Linda was also born on this planet, as Kara Zor-El, and was put in suspended animation before the explosion, then stuck in that state for over thirty years. Little Christopher's biological mother and father created this destruction indecently – Generals Dur-Zod and Ursa-Ul bore him in an inter-dimensional prison called "The Phantom Zone" and named the boy Lor-Zod. Christopher "Lor-Zod" Kent himself spent some additional time in the prison as well, but only because General Zod put Chris there himself. The short imprisonment did thankfully reverse his rapid aging due to taking on the Nightwing deity.

But all things considered, Conner's life was perfectly average and normal, with nothing strange about it.

Which is why he found his current predicament so strange.

"Hello," Conner waved to the men and women gathered before him. Directly before him stood a small gathering of teenagers, clad in the eveningwear type of his own friends. The first one he noticed matched a former variation of the outfit his very best friend in the whole world, Tim, wore, although, the facial structure of this boy matched his older brother Dick, the original Robin. A redheaded boy wore another familiar costume, this time that of his other very best friend in the whole world, Bart. Once again, his predecessor, this time Wally West, donned the suit. Ms. Martian looked younger than he remembered his Titans teammate M'gann, but she was a shape shifter, so Conner couldn't exactly tell. The other teenagers he did not recognize, so he didn't really care about them. He noticed Red Arrow, or Arsenal, or whatever his name was now – his daughter had only been faking her death, it turned out (quite impressive for a five year old child), so Conner thinks he might have switched back to Red Arrow – standing in the back with the Justice League, as if trying to be a part of them.

Yes, a good portion of the Justice League, Clark's team, stood in the back, being briefed by a young Atlantian with blond hair, dark skin and some really kickass water swords.

"-We found something suspicious about him when he began acting much differently then the Superboy we all know-"

"-And love, I assume?" Conner interrupts. The young man continued talking.

"This Superboy watches real television instead of just static. He also spends very little time in his room, preferring to socialize with the rest of the Team. When Robin beat him during sparing practice, he simply laughed and told Robin 'I guess we'll have a rematch tomorrow'. While he had the same level of productivity as our Superboy, instead of wasting time with M'gann in a secluded area of The Cave, he spent it playing his 'air guitar' in the kitchen."

"So this Superboy is an improvement?" Green Arrow asks. Nobody wants to say yes, but Conner assumes they are all thinking it.

"You guys going to send me home?" Conner asks the group.

"We will try to find a way to send you back to your universe, yes," Batman responds.

"Cool. Cool. So, um, guess I'm bunking here?"

"Yes," Black Canary responded. "Stay here and, for the love of God, don't leave."

Canary's demand saddened Conner. Dick and him had bonded that one time he saved the Universe and then died, but he did not know M'gann very well. He rather seek out his own friends and see what they were up to on this Earth.

"All right," Conner sighed. "Say hi to Aunt Martha and Lois for me, okay Superman?" The room turned to Conner in shock. Never before had anyone seen Conner speak so cavalierly to Superman. Superman's eyes narrowed as he looks at Conner.

"How do you know Martha and Lois?" Superman asks suspiciously.

"Uh, because I live with Aunt Martha and you live with Lois," Superboy responded. Duh, he thought to himself. "Usually when you live with people for a while, you figure out who they are. Except this one time, I heard a homeless man lived in this women's pantry for like three months and she never noticed."

"Gee, that situation doesn't sound familiar," The green-clad, female archer hisses under her breath.

Meanwhile, in Conner's own universe, the Lois to whom he referred to was facing a problem of her own. For you see, the Superboy who enjoyed watching static and spending time with M'gann in dark corners had awoken that morning in Aunt Martha's house and had not decided on the same 'go with the flow' attitude as his counterpart. Five broken pieces of furniture, two exploded milk cartons and one scared little puppy dog later, Superman made the decision to move the wayward Superboy to his own apartment to save his dear mother from the heart attack that took his late father, may his soul rest in peace.

"Why does Conner have that look on his face, Mom?" Chris asked his mother in a low, hopefully tactful voice.

"Because he's from a different universe, sweetheart," Lois answered her son as the two stared at the strangely immobile young man sitting on their couch and watching static.

"Yeah, I know. That doesn't explain anything."

"Be nice, Chris. We don't know what he's been through. I've seen guys like this on the base growing up. They had PTSD, which is a perfectly normal disease to have. Nothing to be scared of or treat someone differently over."

"Can I at least ask him to change the channel? I want to play video games," Chris begged.

"No. Play in your room today," Lois commanded quickly.

"Why?"

Lois did not answer for a few moments. Eventually, she lowered her voice and said "Because I have to do some work in my office today and I don't want you alone with him."

Thankfully, Clark entered the apartment at that moment. "Hi Dad. Where's our Conner? This one doesn't tell jokes or talk about his sex life."

"Christopher Jonathan Kent, I thought we raised you better! Watch your language" Clark scolds. He walked over to Superboy and put his hand on his shoulder. "Conner, although we want our Conner home safely and we want you to find your own way home, you should know that you are always welcome here." Superboy turns to look at Superman's hand, then back at his face, quite confused over the two notions of human affection and Superman treating him respectfully. Thankfully, Clark turns to Lois before he can confuse the young man further.

"Bruce and Tim will be over soon to help figure out how to send him home." Clark tells his wife. "The four of us might leave for the Fortress. Jor-El might know something."

"Good. I need to work on a article, if you have this all under control." Clark nods.

"Chris! Clean your room. We're having guests over!" he commands.

"But Dad! You're not going to do inter-dimensional experiments in my room! Why does it have to be clean?"

"What if Uncle Bruce wants to see your room? Wouldn't it be embarrassing if he saw that you left your clothes on the floor?"

"Why in Hell's name would Batman want to see my room?" Chris asked desperately. "He's coming over to work on inter-dimensional travel, not to inspect my floor for underwear!"

"Christopher!" Lois exclaimed. "Where the Hell did you learn that language?"

Superboy did not know how to properly react to this display of normal family interaction. He missed Kaldur yelling at him for not following directions on a mission or himself yelling at Wally for eating all of M'gann's cookies. This yelling all seemed so trivial. The only saving grace was that Batman would arrive soon; Maybe he would act closer to how Superboy remembered him.

Meanwhile, the other, more handsome (in his own opinion) Conner decided to make friends with his counterpart's teammates. He gathered them all in a circle in the main room to play a little game with them.

"Right," Conner began. "In my universe, we have this party game called 'Two truths and a lie'."

"We have this game here," Artemis informed him with a roll of her eyes.

"Great!" Conner exclaimed. "Then I don't have to explain it. I'll start. One: Biologically, Superman is my father."

Conner looked around the room, pausing for suspense. No one was surprised, as biologically Superman was their Conner's father as well.

"Two: I've never had my ears pierced. Three: Biologically, Lex Luthor is my father."

"Lex is not your dad," Wally responds. "That would be weird."

"Nope!" Conner exclaimed. "I can prove it too. See?" Conner leaned over and pushed his thumb on his earlobe, accentuating a small piercing scar. Normally it would heal, but Conner accidentally got a shard of Kryptonite stuck in when he re-pierced it. His body broke it down and rejected it after a very painful and embarrassing night, but marks still remained.

"Before I died, I would never have told you guys this, you know. But I just met my cousin from Luthor's side, and she's just so cool that I have to admit we're related. Except for that time we almost kissed. That was gross."

The rest of the team did not believe him, of course. They believed that Luthor and Superman genes would simply rejected each other on contact. Never the less, the game continued.

"Okay! I'll go next!" M'gann exclaimed excitedly. "I'm 48 in chronological Earth years, I love baking, and I have a pet wolf."

"Wait, let me guess!" Conner exclaimed excitedly. "I smelled cookies earlier…and I saw a wolf hanging around earlier…So there's no way you can be 48."

M'gann shakes her head. "The wolf belongs to our Superboy."

"A wolf!" Conner exclaims, relived. He was starting to think alternative him was lame. "Forget icebreakers, I'm playing with the wolf! What's his name?"

"Wolf," Kaldur informed him. Conner deflated slightly. Turns out alternate him is lame anyway. No problem. Dick-Robin told him that everything of other Conner's was his while he stayed, as long as he didn't break anything. Ergo, he had his own private wolf. Life was good again for Conner. This wolf might not be Krypto, but Conner was sure it could still play fetch just as fine.

"Wolf!" Conner yelled, beginning to run through the halls. "Here boy! Superboy has a treat for you! It's not food! Instead, you get the glory of my presence!"

"Dude," Wally said after a moment, swallowing the granola bar he shoved in his mouth. "This guy's a freak."

"Look who's talking," Artimis scoffs.

The Team quickly finds Conner in the hanger-bay trying (and failing) to earn Wolf's trust. "Here boy," Conner cooed to the large wolf, one not amused at the impersonator's antics.

"I do not think he likes you," Kaldur told the Superboy who desperately tried to get the wolf's attention.

"Yeah," Conner agreed, sitting on the floor of the hanger. "Hey, can I ask you a quick question?"

"Sure," Dick said, exasperated.

"Does Superman think I did this on purpose? Cause he was colder than the Fortress of Solitude when we talked."

"It's nothing you did," Dick explained. "Superman's just not so hot with our Superboy right now. Or like, ever."

"Really?" Conner asked. "Is Superman a little freaked out that your Superboy has Luthor DNA?"

"Our Superboy doesn't have Luthor DNA," M'gann sighed. "He would have told me," the Martian insisted. Of course, she herself kept things from Superboy, but being half Luthor was hardly important compared to being an ugly white Martian…

"And even if he did, it wouldn't matter?" Artimis asked slowly. "Your DNA really doesn't mean much, right?" Might as well test-drive this line of reasoning while not discussing her own parentage…

"So, is Superman mad that I hit on his girlfriend when he was dead?" Conner asked. "'Cause I totally apologized for that. In my defense though, Lois is really, really hot."

"I do not believe our Superboy did that," Kaldur informed him, quickly pushing the nonsensical sentence out of his mind. "Superman honestly has no excuse for his actions."

"Well, if that were true then Superman would be even more of a Dick than Robin." Superboy yawned, lying on the ground. No one found his comment funny. Especially Robin.

"You're a lot more upbeat than our Superboy," Kid Flash informed him.

"Probably because people don't dislike me for no reason," He suggests. "Or maybe I just ignore people when they dislike me."

Meanwhile, the older, possibly more mature Dick Grayson sat beside his little brothers, Tim and Damian Wayne, in the back of the Batmobile, the driver speeding down highway 95, the quickest path from Gotham City to Metropolis.

"Father," Damian stated, adjusting his Robin costume. "Drake is touching me."

"Damian, I'm not touching you, it's just my stupid cape," Tim responded.

"We wouldn't have this problem if I could ride shotgun." Dick Grayson mumbled, placing his Batman cowl back on his head.

"Driver changes the station," The driver grunts. "Otherwise, you face the consequences."

"I said sorry, Bruce." Dick whined.

Bruce Wayne knew he would regret bringing all three of them with him, but while he and Tim were exiting the city, Alfred informed him that Damian's wounds needed bandaging and that Dick had crashed their Bat-Cycle, so being the very wonderful father he was to Damian as well was thevery wonderful friend he was to Superman, he let Dick bandage Damian en-route to save time.

"And stop calling him 'Drake', Damian. I adopted him, remember?" Bruce scolded.

"Sorry, brother Tim," Damian hissed as Bruce exited the highway and pulled into Clark Kent's street.

"Batman, you really didn't need to bring in the Calvary for this one," Clark Kent told his old friend the four appeared in his apartment, somehow, without using the doors or possibly the windows. Batman glared at him. "I guess now that means both Batmen are on this case," Clark says uneasily as his eyes wander over to Damian's bandaged arm. "Your arm okay, Robin?"

"Actually, can you check it really fast?" Dick asked, holding it out.

"It's not broken. It'll heal fine," Clark informed him as Chris peaked out of his room. "Robin, have you and Chris met?"

"Superman," Dick hisses under his breath. "Damian doesn't do well with kids his age. Stop trying to arrange a play-date!"

"I can interact perfectly fine with fellow children of my age group!" Damian argues, angry at his brother's insinuation that he is anti-social, true as Dick's statement was.

"Great!" Clark exclaims excitedly. "Superboy, you're in charge."

Superboy whipped his head around in surprise that Superman would seriously put him in charge of his one and only child, but nodded solemnly out of habit.

'The subject's responding!" Chris whispered, hopefully too quietly for anyone but Damian to hear. Unfortunately for him his father has super-hearing and he can never, ever get away with sassy, sarcastic, under-breath comments like every other child on this great planet.

Eventually, Dick, Clark and Bruce left for the office leaving Tim, Damian and Chris alone with Conner.

"God, you look so much like him," Tim tells Conner after a long moment. "Same hair, same eyes. Even the same stupid outfit." Begin a stupid kid, Damian finds this show of manly emotions humorous and takes out his cell phone to take a video.

"He puts on this childish face all the time, like nothing in the world can phase him. But every once in a while he gets a face like yours and I can see all the crap he's been through and I wish I could just make it all go away."

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Superboy asks. Tim nods as Chris stands in shock. He started to doubt the kid could talk.

"Are you like other me's boyfriend or something?" Damian and Chris burst out laughing while Tim's face turns as red as a tomato.

"I just really miss my friend, all right?"

"Seriously? I miss my friends too, but you don't see me professing my love to them."

"Stop making fun of me! I'm Red Robin! The original Batman's sidekick."

"More like the original burger joint," Chris whispers to Damian. "Hey, speaking of burgers lets make lunch."

"You can cook?" Damian asks the other boy in shock and awe.

"Kinda. Dad taught me one or two things and I figured out the rest on my own."

"My father tried to cook something once. He burned it."

"What was he trying to make?"

"He was microwaving canned soup."

Chris nods in understanding. "My mom once burned boxed mac and cheese. It was a disaster," Chris timidly looks at the Superboy sitting on his couch. "You want to help?"

"All right," Conner sighs. "I promise I won't burn anything. That's my girlfriend's territory anyway."

"You have a girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed excitedly. "What is she like? Is she pretty? What's her name? Have you two, you know? Cause our Conner did with his girlfriend, but then Grandma and Grandpa caught him and he got in trouble, but they weren't too mad because he died a few hours later, and by the time he wasn't dead anymore it had been a year and stuff."

"Do you know what the word 'Dead' means, kid?" Conner asks after his animated story.

In the other universe, Conner tells basically the same story to his new 'buddies', no more cohesive than Chris had been.

"So then, Nightwing, that's you Robin, but older. You used a Kryptonian name because Kryptonians are awesome. Anyway, Nightwing and I dismantled the thing and Superboy-Prime showed up, so we had a re-match. Then I died. It was so cool, you should have seen it."

"So other me is called Nightwing? That's pretty astrous."

"No, other you was Nightwing. Now you're Batman."

A horrified look flashes across Robin's face upon Conner's revelation. Not realizing Robin's greatest fear had always been becoming the man his adopted father was, Conner laughed.

"Don't worry, Batman is fine! Everyone thought he died, but really he just got sent back in time," Conner smiles as he talks, lying back on the couch as Robin slowly curls into the fetal position. "They're both Batman now. I asked Superman if we could come to a similar arrangement, but he said no, go home, don't bother me at work and stop skipping school, the principle called my mom and she's worried you're dead again."

"So, when you died," M'gann asks, scratching her green scalp, "It was all a simulation? That happened here too!" She suddenly became sad, both because her Superboy might be really-dead for all she knew and because when the simulation went bad it was all her fault. Robin continues to stare blankly into the abyss upon realizing all of other-Robin's hopes and dreams of not being Batman had been destroyed for nothing.

"No, I died for real. Then our Kid Flash and I came back. The Legion of Superheros did it. With science."

The Team doubted his story. So far he claimed no more than twelve people from his universe had 'died, but then not really/came back/just their skeleton from the future'.

Suddenly, something interrupted Conner's thrilling explanation. A bright, colorful, flashing light appeared, full of colors and flashiness. The Team and Conner stared up into the light and noticed a group of figures inside it. Within moments, the light disappeared, leaving only the figures.

"I didn't mean to bring the whole apartment," Superman, one of the visitors, mumbled. Beside him stood a stone faced Superboy, two Batmen, Red Robin, Lois Lane and a pair of preteens on the floor eating grilled cheese sandwiches. "Sorry."

"Superboy! Is that you?" M'gann yells excitedly, running up to the Conner that she wasted productivity with in dark corners of the cave. For the first time that day, Superboy smiles. Chris recoils.

The Justice League quickly re-enters the living room after all the commotion. "What's going on?" Batman exclaims with an authoritarian force. Other Batman – well, one of the other Batmen, Bruce Wayne precisely – stepped forward to meet his counterpart.

"We've returned your Superboy," One Batman told the other. "Looks like Superman and I managed what your entire League could not."

"Who's he?" Batman asked, pointing to the older Dick Grayson.

"You should know."

Batman's eyes drift to his own protégé. Then to the preteen in the Robin uniform, now standing in battle position, eyeing the Team and readying for a strike. "Who's he?"

"Do not drink anything Talia Al Ghul gives you."

"Man, I'm so glad you're okay," Tim Drake tells his friend.

"Dude, you're not going to hug me again, are you?" Conner asks. Tim does, reigniting the bromance of the ages.

"You have any leads about how this happened," Superman asked his own counterpart.

"Oh. No, not really yet. We just found a few energy signatures, that's it."

"Us too. Better get our Conner back before he causes any more trouble."

"Conner?" Superman asks, a bit confused. "Oh, Superboy, right."

"I just assumed he was Conner here too."

"Uh, he is," Superman replies uncertainly. Right. Conner. He thought maybe he heard that somewhere. Either that or Cooper.

"Hey," The foreign Superboy stands in front of the two and turned to the Superman he had only just met. "You should really forgive Superboy for whatever he did. I'm sure he feels bad for it. It's probably not as bad as what I've done, I've slept with my girlfriend in the hayloft and once made out with my cousin, sorta."

"How did you 'sorta' make-out with your cousin?" The Superman native to this universe could not help but ask.

"No, no we really kissed. She's just only sorta my cousin." The Superboy turned away without further explanation and found his counterpart a little ways away.

"So you're me in that other universe," The newly returned Conner said to the other.

"Yeah," He responded. "Cool team you got here. What's it called?"

"The Team."

"Of course it is. I had this team once called Young Justice. It was awesome. Now I'm on the Teen Titans. You guys got a lot of 'Parental Supervision' here, you know?"

The native Superboy groaned. "Tell me about it."

"My advice? Just don't bother listening to them."

Conner did not quite know how to take his doppelgänger's advice, but nodded anyway. "Everyone seems to really care about you in your universe."

"Na, that's just cause I died saving the universe. I was beat up by this young, annoying Superman."

"Right."

Superman grabbed Superboy's shoulder and led him to Batman – the Bruce Wayne from the visiting group, not the Bruce Wayne born on this Earth or Dick Grayson. "I'm taking everyone back now."

"Hopefully not everyone," Lois tells him. "I don't want all these people in my apartment. It'd get dirty, and then I'd have to spend a month complaining about the mess and not doing anything about it."

"That was your husband's fault. I'm perfect."

Thankfully, Batman transports only the essential personal back to Lois and Clark's apartment. Damian almost got left behind after challenging the younger Dick Grayson to a duel.

The Superboy who enjoyed watching static and spending time with M'gann in dark corners planed to spend the rest of the evening doing those two things. Unfortunately, Batman (Bruce Wayne, from the universe of the Superboy who enjoyed watching static and spending time with M'gann in dark corners) had other plans for the young clone and his team.

"I want all of you to stand in the freezing cold outside the LexCorp building in Metropolis, watching Lex Luthor for signs of suspicious activity," Batman told the team.

"Why?" Superboy asked.

'Cause I sure as hell ain't doing it, Batman thought to himself. "We have received some information that he is planning something illegal. Simple recon. Do not engage."

The group sighed and made their way to the bioship.

Meanwhile, on the other Superboy's world, Superman looked out his window to see Metropolis being taken over by robots.

"Conner, call Kara," He sighed. "There's been another infestation."

"Should I get the Titans?" Tim asks, still there although his comrades had left for Gotham.

"Might as well. Superboy, Red Robin, take your team up fifth street."

"Can I go?" Chris begs his parents.

"No," Lois responds. "You haven't finished your homework."

"Also, Kill-bots are dangerous," Superman agrees.

"But I've fought Zod before!"

"And you lost," His mother reminds him, pointing to the pile of notebooks on the kitchen table.

So the Team went on a boring recon mission that ended with an epic battle between Sportsmaster, Cheshire, Lex's cyborg bodyguard, an anamorphic tree, a few members of the League of assassins and Klarion, while the Teen Titans fought Kill-bots and won, happily without the death of one of their team members like last week's fiasco.

The important thing though is that both Superboys got home without any hitches. At all.

* * *

**Author's Note: **All interactions between Superman, Lois and Chris unabashedly based on interactions between my family and I. All interactions between the BatFam unabashedly based on interactions between my sister and I on road trips. Concept similar to a wonderful comic by KatYoukai on deviantAart: art/YJ-that-s-not-superboy-199512805. I got the idea for this fanfic from that.


End file.
